I’ve met a lot of pin-up girls, but I’ve never been able to pin one down.
Since my daughter is only half-Jewish, could she go in the water up to her knees?
You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, and that’s not saying much for you.
I’m gonna put extra blankets, free, in all your rooms, and there’ll be no cover charge.
Oh, why can’t we break away from all this, just you and I, and lodge with my fleas in the hills? I mean flee to my lodge in the hills.
Oh, are you from Wales? Do you know a fella named Jonah-He used to live in whales for a while.
Don’t look now, but there’s one too many in this room and I think it’s you.
Send two dozen roses to Room 424 and put “Emily, I love you” on the back of the bill.
I cannot say that I don’t disagree with you.
My brother thinks he’s a chicken-We don’t talk him out of it because we need the eggs.
Jail is no place for a young fellow. There’s no advancement.
Gerald Ford was unknown throughout America. Now he’s unknown throughout the world.
If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.
I started smoking as soon as I went on the stage. I’d make cigars out of the Morning World when I was a kid.
If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn’t sell much – just an occasional sun visor.
Groucho: You know I think you’re the most beautiful woman in the world? Woman: Really? Groucho: No, but I don’t mind lying if it gets me somewhere.
Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn’t time to dig trenches. We’ll have to buy them ready made.
Always examine the dice.
She’s afraid that if she leaves, she’ll become the life of the party.