Growing old is something you do if you’re lucky.
Hey you! I told you to slow that nag down! Because of you, I almost heard the opera!
You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I’m hot under the collar.
If he’s been married for 31 years, he’s not the same man.
You’re heading for a breakdown. Why don’t you pull yourself to pieces.
You get a canoe later and I’ll paddle you.
But what makes wage slaves? Wages!
Anybody who doesn’t like this book is healthy.
I hope they bury me near a strait man.
I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip.
I think you’ve got something there, but I’ll wait outside until you clean it up.
I was born at a very early age. Before I had time to regret it, I was four and a half years old.
I’ve known and respected your husband for many years, and what’s good enough for him is good enough for me.
Take two turkeys, one goose, four cabbages, but no duck, and mix them together. After one taste, you’ll duck soup for the rest of your life.
The only game I like to play is “Old Maid”, providing she’s not too old.
I have an agreement with the houseflies. The flies don’t practice law and I don’t walk on the ceiling.
Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the worst about Hollywood.
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
Let there be dancing in the streets, drinking in the saloons, and necking in the parlor.
I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along.