The only game I like to play is “Old Maid”, providing she’s not too old.
I have an agreement with the houseflies. The flies don’t practice law and I don’t walk on the ceiling.
Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the worst about Hollywood.
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
Let there be dancing in the streets, drinking in the saloons, and necking in the parlor.
She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.
Don’t be silly. I’ll write you twice a week.
I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along.
Remember men, you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did.
You’ve got a goal in life. I’ve got a goal. Now all we need is a football team.
Blood’s not thicker than money.
In any relationship, the woman has control, the clever ones don’t let the men know.
Today’s Father Day and we’re giving you a tie, it’s not much you know, it’s just our way of showing you, you’re a regular guy.
Was that you or the duck?
I’ve been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.
Sir, are you trying to offer me a bribe? How much.
I can see you in the kitchen bending over a hot stove, and I can’t see the stove.
How would you like to feel the way she looks.
Budget: a way of going broke methodically.
I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.