You know who must be very secure in their masculinity? Male ladybugs.
There is a penalty for trying to knock down a cockpit door, but it’s the people who try to go from coach to 1st class they really beat up.
Of course with John McCain out of the race, George W. Bush has to pick a running mate. Which is kind of a scary proposition when you think about it. I mean his dad picked Dan Quayle, an he isn’t as smart as his dad.
Yesterday, Saddam Hussein got 100 percent of the vote. Well, that’s according to Saddam’s campaign manager, Jeb Hussein.
Twenty-one years ago today Saddam Hussein was first elected president of Iraq and he has been re-elected ever since. Apparently they have the same electoral process we do, you don’t need the popular vote to win.
President Bush and Bill Clinton both agree that cloning is morally wrong. Clinton said that he thinks humans should be made the old-fashioned way – liquored up in a cheap hotel room.
President Obama gave a big speech on climate change. He believes global warming is getting worse because apparently he’s sweating a lot more during his second term.
According to a new book coming out by a Pulitzer Prize-winning author, apparently when he was in high school, President Obama smoked large amounts of marijuana. You know what that means? He could be our first green president.
Changing the story until you believe it.
USA Today reports that the number of death row executions this year has hit a 35-year low. They attribute that to DNA evidence clearing more people and the fact that Rick Perry has been on the road campaigning.
President Bush said it’s now time for a change in Iraq and he wants them to have a Western-style democracy like ours. So right now in Iraq, the economy is collapsing, businessmen are corrupt, and Hussein wants his son to take over as president. Sounds like mission accomplished.
The key to a long and healthy marriage is that, honestly, there’s nothing worth fighting about.
Show business pays you a lot of money because eventually you’re gonna get screwed.
It’s fun when you’re driving, and people wave at you, and you wave back. I think you either like people or you don’t. I mean, I don’t want to put on sunglasses. That’s why I’m in show business.
According to a British poll, you’ve only got a one in five chance of achieving your childhood career ambition. Which probably explains why you don’t run into that many cowboys, princesses, or space rangers.
President Obama said he plans on training 10,000 new math and science teachers. How about teaching math to that economic team of his?
President Obama has begun a three-state bus tour. I believe the three states are: Confusion, Delusion, and Desperation.
Yesterday President Obama said, ‘We can’t continue to treat tax money like monopoly money.’ Oh really – how come all those guys on Wall Street got ‘get out of jail free’ cards?
The IRS said today anyone with a refund coming from their 2001 taxes will lose it if they don’t pick it up by April 15th. If it is more then three years they will just keep it. How come it doesn’t work that way with back taxes?
Saddam Hussein has raised the amount going to suicide bombers from $10 thousand dollars to $25 thousand. What’s next, a health care plan?