To give you an idea how bad the American economy is, Mexico is now calling for a fence along the border. Stay on your side!
Financial experts are saying we are entering a new chapter in the American economy. I believe it’s Chapter 11.
But the good news, the crime rate is down. Isn’t that amazing? Less banks are being robbed. Well, sure. A, there’s less banks. B, the banks don’t have any money left. And C, nobody’s got gas money for the getaway car. So, right there, crime is down!
Ron Paul is in favor of letting states legalize marijuana, prostitution, and cocaine. So even if he doesn’t win, that’s going to be one heck of an election night party.
And under the new guidelines issued by the Obama Administration, Federal agents will not pursue pot-smoking patients in states that allow medical marijuana. This new policy is called ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t – What Was I Talking About?’
They said these North Korean missiles had enough range to hit Seattle, but residents in Seattle were not worried. Today Bill Gates said Microsoft has enough missiles to destroy North Korea ten times over.
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of his missiles seem to launch.
The Republicans finally got some good news over the weekend. The North Koreans set off a nuclear bomb. Thank God. It was so powerful it knocked the Mark Foley story right off the front page. And knocked him off the page he was on, too.
According to Kim Jong-Il’s biography, they say he has been constantly accused of dishonesty, drunkenness and sexual excess. So if he lived here, he could be in Congress.
North Korea is now threatening the United States with all-out war. You can see they’re stepping it up. In fact, they released 10 more photos of Kim Jong Un looking through binoculars.
Genetic scientists say that one day it will be possible to grow new body parts, like new breasts and new hands. It’s going to be a huge moneymaker, because you know that as soon as women grow another breast, men will want another hand.
Actually, the University of California says they may start a marijuana research center. Really? I thought the University of California was a marijuana research center.
Sarah Palin has revealed she has tried marijuana, but she did not like it. You know, it’s amazing: 200 million Americans have smoked marijuana. The only ones who don’t like it seem to be elected officials. Ever notice that?
The nation’s largest savings and loan, Washington Mutual, has become the biggest bank failure in history. See, the problem with the savings and loans? Not enough savings, too many stupid loans, okay In fact, they changed their name from WaMu to ‘screw you.’
They determined who got the first question by a coin toss, to which Sarah Palin said, ‘Oh, what a coincidence, that’s how I got picked.’
President Clinton and President Obama played a round of golf over the weekend. President Clinton asked Obama what his handicap was, and Obama said, ‘Joe Biden.’
President Obama met with leaders of the American Indian tribes and they honored the president by giving him his own Indian name: Running Deficits.
Michael Jackson has a new baby boy; no word yet who the father is.
Researchers in England say tall men are more likely to have more children than short men. Here in America we call that the NBA theory.
Authorities in New York City have foiled a plot by terrorists to blow up the Holland Tunnel. There was one awkward moment when officials informed President Bush the Holland Tunnel was safe. Bush then thanked the Dutch authorities for all their help.