Major heat wave in India – 122 degrees today. It was so hot people in India were sweating like Americans waiting to hear if their job is being outsourced to India.
The New York Times has had fake stories. CBS has had fake stories. And now Newsweek had a fake story. You realize the only one that hasn’t had to print a retraction is the National Inquirer.
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up. Say what you want about Trump, at least this guy has his priorities in order. He doesn’t want to let actual reality get in the way of his reality show.
The good news is, President Obama was born in America. The bad news is, so was Donald Trump.
People don’t mind if you have a lot of money if they know you’re working for it.
Never perform for your family. They either laugh too hard or not at all.
Comedy is the only profession where love from a stranger is better than love from a family member. You need to perform for strangers to see if you’re really funny. If they laugh and cheer, it’s the greatest thing in the world.
A historic operation occurred over in Boston. Doctors successfully transplanted tissue from a pig’s brain to a man’s brain – and the man’s brain did not reject it. That pretty much confirms what women have been saying about men.
I’m a staunch Independant. Every time I think I am a Republican, they do something greedy, and every time I think I am a Democrat, they go and do someting stupid.
Mitt Romney has a new fundraising gimmick. If you donate $3 or more to his campaign, your name will be entered into a drawing to win a dinner with Mitt Romney and Donald Trump. If you donate more than $10, you get to sit at a different table.
President Obama wants to raise taxes on the country’s richest people. And you thought Donald Trump hated him before.
Donald Trump says that he will not run for president. You know why? He can’t find his birth certificate.
President Bush said this Iraq situation looks like ‘the rerun of a bad movie.’ Well sure, there’s a Bush in the White House, the economy’s going to hell, we’re going to war over oil. I’ve seen this movie, haven’t I?
According to the Mayans, the world is supposed to end in the year 2012. Are you buying that? When’s the last time you even ran into a Mayan?
In an unlikely pairing, Hillary Clinton made an appearance this week with Newt Gingrich to push a health care plan. The press is making a big deal out this thing with Newt but, hey, if anyone knows how to appear in public with a man she can’t stand, it’s Hillary.
It’s just a matter of time before we go into Iraq and get Saddam Hussein. I think just before Bush falls below 50 percent, that’s when we’ll be going.
Hillary Clinton is getting a little bit of controversy because she has the most expensive hometown office rent – over $500,000 a year. She’s in a one-year lease in the office, as opposed to her marriage, which is on a month-to-month.
Anheuser-Busch gives two free cases of beer to its employees at all of its parks, like Busch Gardens. That’s a comforting thought the next time you’re getting ready to get on the roller coaster!
A Democratic congressman said that he worries that the IRS scandal might have a chilling effect on the IRA and that they might be afraid to audit people. So finally some good is coming out of all of this.
The Environmental Protection Agency is conducting a seven-hundred-thousand-dollar study to see if Alaskan trees are polluting Oregon forests. You can tell Republicans are in power. Pollution? It’s those damn trees.