Politics is just show business for ugly people.
Leno said the rainy weather in California “couldn’t have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn down the studio for the insurance money.” Jan. 21, 2010.
Today is Valentine’s Day – or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!
Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you’ve met your New Year’s resolution.
A hiker who was lost in a blizzard said he stayed alive by digging a snow tunnel and burning dollar bills for warmth. Today he was offered a job as President Obama’s economic adviser.
You can’t stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.
One of President Obama’s winning points last night was about how sanctions against Iran are crippling their economy. And believe me, if anyone knows how to cripple an economy, it’s President Obama.
These White House scandals are not going away anytime soon. People in Kenya are now saying he’s 100 percent American. That’s how bad it’s gotten.
Mitt Romney is predicting that as president, he will create 12 million jobs in his first term. Well, President Obama says a Romney presidency would result in lost jobs. Yeah, his and Biden’s.
Donald Trump says he’s President Obama’s worst nightmare. That’s not true. Having to make a decision is Obama’s worst nightmare.
Rick Santorum is so conservative; he thinks KY Jelly is jam made in Kentucky.
President Obama signed a bill preventing members of Congress from profiting from insider trading. Didn’t you think that was already illegal?
President Obama is currently on a week-long trip to Africa, where he will promote freedom, democracy, and economic opportunity. I guess he figured it hasn’t worked here – so try it somewhere else.
President Obama was in India yesterday visiting our jobs. Tomorrow he goes to China to visit our money.
President Obama is coming under criticism now for not meeting with his jobs council. He hasn’t met with his jobs council in over six months. You know the reason Obama hasn’t met with his job council in six months? They’re all out looking for jobs.
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
President Obama’s re-election campaign said that this year they’ll knock on 150 percent more doors than they did in 2008. Well, of course they will. They have to. There’s so many foreclosures it’s tough to tell where people live.
According to The New York Times, more than half of President Obama’s Twitter followers are fake. They don’t even exist. Which is actually a good thing because if they did exist there wouldn’t be any jobs for them.