John Kerry has apologized for saying those who do not study hard and do their homework will get stuck in Iraq. Now, those that do not campaign well and are boring, will end up stuck in the Senate.
John Kerry accused President Bush of catering to the rich. You know, as opposed to John Kerry who just marries them.
John Kerry reportedly flew in his private hairdresser before his “Meet the Press” interview for a total cost of $1,000. That’s $1,000 for a haircut, which sounds like a lot, but have you seen the size of Kerry’s head.
A lot of Congressmen yesterday were upset when Kenneth Lay took the Fifth. Lay said it wasn’t his fault. He had planned on testifying, but when Jeffrey Skilling testified, he took all the really good lies.
Today the United States has admitted that after months and months of searching, we still have no idea where Osama bin Laden is. Osama bin Laden? We can’t even find Kenneth Lay.
The big rumor going around is, we may begin bombing Iraq. Or, as the White House calls it, Operation Keep Enron Off The Front Page.
Enron is now officially out of the energy business. They are now in a new business: confetti.
You know what Ken Lay had for breakfast this morning? Shredded Wheat.
John Kerry’s wife Teresa Heinz is on the cover of Newsweek magazine this week and they said that if he is elected president, she will be the oldest first lady in American history. But that doesn’t bother John Kerry, he said, ‘To me, she looks like a million bucks’
Every year Steve Kaufman supports the charity “Love Ride” by donating a painting to this cause.
President Bush listed his income as $822,000. You know what John Kerry calls someone who earns $822,000? Not even worth dating.
The lead story on MSNBC was the news that there was nothing new to report in the Gary Condit story. So remember when there is nothing new to report, MSNBC will be the station not to report it first.
President Obama told a group of school children that broccoli was his favorite food, and they believed him. Then he told them Obamacare would reduce the deficit and the kids all busted out laughing.
In a new issue of Esquire magazine, they revealed that before he was married to Teresa Heinz, Senator John Kerry dated Morgan Fairchild, Michelle Phillips, Catherine Oxenberg and Dana Delany. Finally a Democratic presidential candidate with good taste in women.
The best way to ruin a comedy is to throw a lot of money at it.
They had a profile of John Kerry on the news and they said his first wife was worth around $300 million and his second wife, his current wife, is worth around $700 million. So when John Kerry says he’s going after the wealthy in this country, he’s not just talking. He’s doing it!
John Kerry said today that he wants to get rid of tax cuts for the rich and his wife said, ‘Hey, shut up! What’s the matter with you?! Are you nuts?!’
The Democrats are all over this. Democratic strategists feel John Kerry’s war record means he can beat Bush. They say when it comes down to it voters will always vote for a war hero over someone who tried to get out of the war. I’ll be sure to mention that to Bob Dole when I see him.
Senator John Kerry released his plan today to eliminate the deficit. He said all we have to do is find a really rich country like Switzerland and marry it.
It really kind of looks like now that John Kerry is on his way to the presidential nomination. The only thing that can sink John Kerry now is an Al Gore endorsement.