Scientists believe that monkeys can be taught to think, lie and even play politics within their community. If we can just teach them to cheat on their wives we can save millions on congressional salaries.
The CEO of The Cheesecake Factory is now warning that Obamacare will be very costly. Hey, The Cheesecake Factory is one of the reasons we need Obamacare in the first place.
Congratulations to President Obama on being reelected president of the United States. Turns out it is not all bad news for the Republicans. It seems that depression is covered by Obamacare.
The big winner last night in New Hampshire – Senator John Kerry. He won 39 percent of the vote, which is pretty good, and begs the question, why the long face?
In his big victory speech last night, Senator Kerry said that he wanted to defeat George Bush and the ‘economy of privilege.’ Then he hugged his wife, Teresa, heir to the multi-million dollar Heinz food fortune.
You know what is interesting, Condit is very conservative. He voted to post the ten commandments in schools. Yet, he himself broke the 11th commandment, ‘Thou shall not put thy rod in thy staff.’
Yesterday Gary Condit spent the whole day attending an agricultural meeting. Boy, that’s when you know a congressman’s in real trouble: when he spends the whole day actually working.
That must be strange, cheating on your wife with a flight attendant. They’re in bed and she’s says, ‘In the event that wife should come home early please notice the location of the nearest emergency exit.’
You know, it shows how old I am. I can remember the good old days when the president picked the Supreme Court justices instead of the other way around.
It’s cold out. It’s even cold in Florida. So cold today that Katherine Harris put on a third layer of makeup.
A number of plastic surgeons are claiming that looking at John Kerry now, as opposed to a few months ago, they believe he’s had Botox shots. They claim a number of his worry lines have vanished. They haven’t vanished, just Howard Dean is wearing them now.
Things have really changed here in Hollywood. Used to be people in this town couldn’t wait to get an envelope full of white powder.
According to a new study, Botox injections can help back pain. So you see, that’s why John Kerry had all that Botox – his back was killing him from all that flip-flopping on issues.
Remember the good old days when the only bomb you had to worry about on a plane was the Rob Schneider movie?
Kerry has already begun his search for a running mate. They say that because John Edwards still has $50 million in campaign money, Kerry might pick him. Pick him? Hey, for $50 million, Kerry will marry him.
I think Donald Trump and Jeb Bush are the frontrunners. It’s kind of like the race between the tortoise and the bad hair.
Yesterday in New York City, Donald Trump officially changed his political affiliation from Republican to Independent. And Donald’s hair has switched from pelt to carpet sample.
In an exclusive interview with the Christian Broadcasting Network Donald Trump said “I believe in god.” But of course The Donald was talking about Himself.
Some Democrats say the estimated $60 billion dollar cost of a war with Iraq could be better spent at home. When he heard that, President Bush agreed and announced plans to bomb Ohio.
Jack Abramoff is going to testify against some of the other weasels in Congress. A lobbyist testifying against congressmen? How many Bibles are going to burst into flames in that courtroom?