I am not anti-death penalty, but I’m damned sure anti-the-wrong-guy-getting-executed.
I’m ready for anything. That’s probably why it never happens.
Golf is the only opportunity that middle-aged WASPs have to dress up like a pimp.
And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians.
The first thing I’ll do if elected is demand a recount.
The folks in Mississippi are saying, ‘Thank God for Texas.’
I’ve been in true love many times. I just try to avoid it as much as possible. For if there’s one thing I know about true love, it is that sooner or later, it results in a hostage situation.
Like most of us, I determined that I’d rather be a large part of the problem than a small part of the solution.
We’re first on executions. We’re 49th in funding public education. We’re in a race with Mississippi for the bottom, and we’re winning.
What has six balls and screws Texans? The Texas Lottery.
This system is really broken. No Child Left Behind has really failed and the only way to solve education is to leave one governor behind.
The Ten Commandments being taken out of the public schools. I want them back.
Cuban cigars is a big expense because I do smoke a lot of them, eight to 12 a day, so that would be almost as bad as a cocaine habit, a hundred bucks a day.
And I’ll tell you another thing, you won’t find any candidate that supports prayer in school and gay marriage. For that reason alone, people should vote for an independent-thinking person.
The only thing that really differentiates Texas from any other place in the world is the proclivity of its people to urinate outdoors and to attach a certain amount of importance to this popular pastime.
Remember: Y’all is singular. All y’all is plural. All y’all’s is plural possessive.
If you gotta kill two birds, might as well get stoned.
May the God of your choice bless and keep you. I respect Him as long as He does not circumcise me anymore.
I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn’t hold ’em under long enough.
The distance between the limousine and the gutter is a short one.