Seventeen publishers rejected the manuscript, at which time we knew we had something pretty hot.
There are more inspirational people in music than there are in politics.
Man’s ability to delude himself is infinite.
I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.
Always respect your superiors, if you have any.
The reason educational spending in Texas is so low is because you don’t have a state tax there, and that’s why Texas is big growth because you don’t tax people to death.
You never marry the person you first see ‘Casablanca’ with.
If you’re patient and you wait long enough, something will usually happen and it’ll usually be something you don’t like.
My definition of an artist is anyone who’s ahead of his time and behind on his rent.
We’re all worm bait waiting to happen. It’s what you do while you wait that matters.
All my adult life I’ve been in the practice of giving advice to people who are happier than I am.
If you don’t love Jesus-go to hell!
May the God of your choice bless you.
If you elect me the first Jewish justice of the peace, I’ll reduce the speed limits to 54.95!
Jerry Jones and Chris Christie are probably the most important latent homosexual relationship since Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson.
Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.
How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design?
Young people are the key to this election.
You don’t accomplish much by swimming with the mainstream. Hell, a dead fish can do that.
I was so high, I needed a stepladder to scratch my own ass.