The secret to success: find out where people are going and get there first.
I think we never become really and genuinely our entire and honest selves until we are dead – and not then until we have been dead years and years. People ought to start dead, and they would be honest so much earlier.
No real estate is permanently valuable but the grave.
It was the schoolboy who said, “”Faith is believing what you know ain’t so.“”
I am pushing sixty. That is enough exercise for me.
A human being has a natural desire to have more of a good thing than he needs.
When one has tasted watermelon he knows what the angels eat.
What God lacks is convictions- stability of character. He ought to be a Presbyterian or a Catholic or something- not try to be everything.
I said there was but one solitary thing about the past worth remembering, and that was the fact that it is past-can’t be restored.
Laughter without a tinge of philosophy is but a sneeze of humor. Genuine humor is replete with wisdom.
Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: the one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures it.
We are called the nation of inventors. And we are. We could still claim that title and wear its loftiest honors if we had stopped with the first thing we ever invented, which was human liberty.
The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet.
Religion consists in a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain of.
Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
If the man doesn’t believe as we do, we say he is a crank, and that settles it. I mean, it does nowadays, because now we can’t burn him.
Independence-is loyalty to one’s best self and principles, and this is often disloyalty to the general idols and fetishes.
No real gentleman will tell the naked truth in the presence of ladies.
Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.
Often the surest way to convey misinformation is to tell the strict truth.