Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins.
He is now rising from affluence to poverty.
There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.
As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain from smoking when awake.
Hain’t we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain’t that a big enough majority in any town?
New Orleans food is as delicious as the less criminal forms of sin.
Plain question and plain answer make the shortest road out of most perplexities.
Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain’t so; it is the sickening grammar that they use.
You can’t reason with your heart; it has its own laws, and thumps about things which the intellect scorns.
How little a thing can make us happy when we feel that we have earned it.
It is higher and nobler to be kind.
Anyone who can only think of one way to spell a word obviously lacks imagination.
I like Joan of Arc best of all my books; and it is the best; I know it perfectly well.
Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are in the wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
Explaining humor is a lot like dissecting a frog, you learn a lot in the process, but in the end you kill it.
Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are economical in its use.
We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
December is the toughest month of the year. Others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, October, August, and February.
Dates are hard to remember because they consist of figures; figures are monotonously unstriking in appearance, and they don’t take hold, they form no pictures, and so they give the eye no chance to help. Pictures are the thing. Pictures can make dates stick.