A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape.
The Christian’s Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.
If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.
If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.
She was not quite what you would call refined. She was not quite what you would call unrefined. She was the kind of person that keeps a parrot.
Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.
A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.
When in doubt tell the truth.
What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce.
Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel.
The more you explain it, the more I don’t understand it.
By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man’s, I mean.
Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.
I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one.
It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.
The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.
One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.
Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.