Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.
The easy confidence with which I know another man’s religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.
The secret to getting ahead is getting started.
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.
The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.
A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.
History doesn’t repeat itself, but it does rhyme.
April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.
If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.
Out of all the things I have lost, I miss my mind the most.
I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up!
Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.
I didn’t have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.
When angry, count four. When very angry, swear.
Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it.
The most interesting information come from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.
I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.