To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.
Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her.
Adam was but human – this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple’s sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent; then he would have eaten the serpent.
It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.
Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.
Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man’s.
Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.
Of all God’s creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.
Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned.
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.
My books are water; those of the great geniuses are wine. Everybody drinks water.
Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the heart: the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you.
Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.
Reality can be beaten with enough imagination.