If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
Laughter is an instant vacation.
We owe a lot to Thomas Edison-if it wasn’t for him, we’d be watching television by candlelight.
You don’t need to travel, laughter is an instant vacation.
My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
I live to laugh, and I laugh to live.
Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.
My wife sent me a Valentine card that said, “Take my heart, take my lips, take my soul.” That’s just like her. She kept the good parts for herself.
Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?