If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
Laughter is an instant vacation.
We owe a lot to Thomas Edison-if it wasn’t for him, we’d be watching television by candlelight.
You don’t need to travel, laughter is an instant vacation.
My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
I live to laugh, and I laugh to live.
Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.
My wife sent me a Valentine card that said, “Take my heart, take my lips, take my soul.” That’s just like her. She kept the good parts for herself.