I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You’ll be mad, but it will be too late.
I want to get non-aerosol mace, you just rub it in. “Dude who is attacking me – come a little closer!”
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Chicago is known as the Windy City, and Montana is called the Big Sky State, so I think that we should somehow combine the two to create the ultimate kite-flying experience.
I would imagine the inside of a bottle of cleaning fluid is really clean. I would imagine a vodka bottle is really drunk.
I went to the store and bought eight apples; the clerk said, “Do you want these in a bag?” I said, “Oh, no, man, I juggle.”
I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same.
I met this girl, she was an actress, and she gave me her number. It started with 555.
Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.