Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there’s always beer.
Though we may not desire to detect fraud, we must not, on that account, endeavor to be insensible of it, for, as cunning is a crime, so is duplicity a fault, and if men dread knaves, they also despise fools.
I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.
A great cause of evil in the world is that men seldom think themselves criminal if they offer the same injustice to others that has been successfully practiced on themselves.
A lot of writers come from Harvard and such, and are rich, and they write under the misapprehension that poor people are stupid. So when they do write them, they are hillbillies or rednecks or Christian idiots.
In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
The beginning of wisdom is the knowledge of folly.
I don’t do much. I’m too lazy. That’s my problem. Hang around my couch, watching the TV. Just too lazy. I realized this the other day, I get hit my a truck tomorrow – a big truck could hit me – paralyze me from the neck down. Wouldn’t effect my lifestyle a bit really.
It is vain to complain of fortune while we fail in policy and conduct.
The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.
I’m thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.
There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.
With the ambitious, the failure of one expedient is the suggestion of another; but with the irresolute, defeat usually occasions abandonment of purpose.
In estimating the adversities of life, we would seldom have much reason to complain of the evils we suffer, did we understand the dangers we daily escape.
The man that does not fear punishment, little regards crime.
I just got back from New York. You ever been there? There was a big gay parade going on there when I was there, and I never been to one of them, and I like a parade. I always like a parade. So, I go there, and it turns out, it’s just a bunch of gay guys.
My dad died, and my grandfather died, and my great-grandfather died. And the guy before him, I don’t know. Probably died.
All my life’s about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn’t cost very much money.
This would have been a great game to watch if we didn’t have any money on it.
The joy a person is usually seen to express at the conversion of another to his opinion is seldom more than the impulse of egotistical satisfaction at being considered worthy of didactic imitation.