I don’t have any ego about it, but I find there’s not a great work ethic in show business. A lot of people are in it to make money, and coming from stand-up, you have to work so hard because almost nothing works, and if you lose the audience for three minutes, you’re dead.
I sort of have open invitations from a lot of people to do TV. But it’s very hard for me to do roles in sitcoms and movies because I’m not a great actor, so if the material isn’t good, I’m in torment while I do it.
I started on ‘Saturday Night Live’ the same time Conan started on Late Night. We just had a relationship because I would be upstairs in the studio and whenever he couldn’t get a guest – which was often back then since he was just starting out – he would just call me down to be a guest.
A proper disposition of time leaves a man at leisure in the very bustle of affairs; without delaying the attention of his concerns to the last or giving them unnecessary application at first: it affords a season for everything by affording everything its proper season.
In giving advice, aptitude is often less to be considered, than seasonableness.
Most men will go farther to give advice than to follow their own opinion.
We advise others better than ourselves.
It is often better to be restricted to necessity than unconfined in the measure of our desires: prosperity destroys more individuals than adversity ruins.
We are happy at the respect others pay our favorites, because we consider it a lively confirmation of our own choice, and as so much homage reflected on ourselves.
The praise we seek for our own virtues sometimes tempts us to flatter the imperfections of other men.
It is easier to hate those we love, than love those whom we have hated.
Whenever I do theaters, I don’t like ’em. I don’t think they’re right for stand-up.
When I was a kid, everybody that played golf was an old man. Until Tiger showed up, they weren’t in very good shape.
I don’t know anything about politics. I wouldn’t put too much into my prediction on politics.
I have always loved Las Vegas. It’s a traditional place for lounge comics to perform, and I love that.
I just like doing standup, that’s all I’m interested in or good at.
I like doing a funny show where I don’t have to act and fall in love with a girl.
I love writing – it’s the best. But I really hate collaboration.
I never do impressions, but I probably should. People like that stuff.
I never had any interest in sitcoms or motion pictures or anything like that.