I test my bath before I sit, And I’m always moved to wonderment That what chills the finger not a bit Is so frigid upon the fundament.
I don’t care how unkind the things people say about me so long as they don’t say them to my face.
The highest form of wisdom is to get drunk and go to pieces. The highest form of wisdom is to get drunk and go to pieces. Candy is dandy But liquor is quicker.
He without benefit of scruples – His fun and money soon quadruples.
There is something about a martini, Ere the dining and dancing begin, And to tell you the truth, It is not the vermouth- I think that perhaps it’s the gin.
How easy for those who do not bulge to not overindulge!
I myself am more and more inclined to agree with Omar and Satchel Paige as I grow older: Don’t try to rewrite what the moving finger has writ, and don’t ever look over your shoulder.
Humor is the best means of surviving in a difficult world.
This is my dream, It is my own dream, I dreamt it. I dreamt that my hair was kempt. Then I dreamt that my true love unkempt it.
Middle age ends and senescence begins, the day your descendant’s outnumber your friends.
I think progress began to retrogress when Wilbur and Orville started tinkering around in Dayton and at Kitty Hawk, because I believe that two Wrights made a wrong.
The only way I can distinguish proper from improper fractions is by their actions.
Whether elected or appointed he considers himself the Lord’s anointed, and indeed the ointment lingers on him so thick you can’t get your fingers on him.
A lady wants to be dressed exactly like everybody else but she gets pretty up- set if she sees anybody else dressed exactly like her.
The burnt child, urged by rankling ire, Can hardly wait to get back at the fire.
How Sunday into Monday melts!
Authors of all races, be they Greeks, Romans, Teutons, or Celts, Can’t seem just to say anything is the thing it is but have to go out of their way to say that it is like something else.
If you are really Master of your Fate, it shouldn’t make any difference to you whether Cleopatra or the Bearded Lady is your mate.
The further through life I drift the more obvious it becomes that I am lacking in thrift.
I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons.