No matter how deep and dark your pit, how dank your shroud, their heads are heroically unbloody and unbowed.
There are two kinds of people who blow through life like a breeze, And one kind is gossipers, and the other kind is gossipees.
The turtle lives ’twixt plated decks Which practically conceal its sex I think it clever of the turtle In such a fix to be so fertile.
I don’t mind their having a lot of money, and I don’t care how they employ it, but I do think that they damn well ought to admit they enjoy it.
Here’s a good rule of thumb; too clever is dumb.
When I remember bygone days I think how evening follows morn So many I loved were not yet dead, So many I love were not yet born.
Remorse is violent dyspepsia of the mind.
One man’s remorse is another man’s reminiscence.
Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force.
Women would rather be right than reasonable.
Certainly there are lots of things in life that money won’t buy, but it’s very funny- Have you ever tried to buy them without money?
I’m like a backward berry, Unripened on the vine, For all my friends are fifty, And I’m only forty-nine.
Here lies my past, Goodbye I have kissed it; Thank you kids, I wouldn’t have missed it.
Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.
People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven’t what they want that they don’t want it.
Sleep is perverse as human nature, Sleep is perverse as a legislature, Sleep is as forward as hives or goiters, And where it is least desired, it loiters.
Then here’s to the heartening wassail, Wherever good fellows are found; Be its master instead of its vassal, and order the glasses around.
How confusing the beams from memory’s lamp are; One day a bachelor, the next a grampa. What is the secret of the trick? How did I get so old so quick?
The reason for much matrimony is patrimony.
Stuyvesant chats with Kelly and Katz, The professor warms to the broker, And life is good in the brotherhood Of an air-conditioned smoker.