The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.
Tonight’s December thirty-first, something is about to burst. The clock is crouching, dark and small, like a time bomb in the hall. Hark, it’s midnight, children dear. Duck! Here comes another year!
Your hair may be brushed, but your mind’s untidy. You’ve had about seven hours of sleep since Friday. No wonder you feel that lost sensation. You’re sunk from a riot of relaxation.
Wind is caused by the trees waving their branches.
Humor is hope’s companion in arms. It is not brash, it is not cheap, it is not heartless. Among other things I think humor is a shield, a weapon, a survival kit.
Some tortures are physical And some are mental, But the one that is both Is dental.
People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave, when they think that their children are naive.
Bankers are just like anybody else, only richer.
A husband is a guy who tells you when you’ve got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.
The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk.
Never befriend the oppressed unless you are prepared to take on the oppressor.
God in His wisdom made the fly And then forgot to tell us why.
I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers.
All husbands are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.
To maintain your marriage brimming, with really like in the wedding cup, anytime you are incorrect, admit it each time you’re proper, shut up.
There has been a lot of progress during my lifetime, but I’m afraid it’s heading in the wrong direction.
I was born a jackdaw; why should I try to be an owl?
One thing about the past. It’s likely to last.
Some hate broccoli, some hate bacon I hate having my picture taken. How can your family claim to love you And then demand a picture of you?