Indeed, everybody wants to be a wow, But not everybody knows exactly how. Some people think they will eventually wear diamonds instead of rhinestones Only by everlastingly keeping their noses to their ghrinestones.
I claim there ain’t Another Saint as great as Valentine.
Basketball, a game which won’t be fit for people until they set the basket umbilicus-high and return the giraffes to the zoo.
Middle-age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you.
If you don’t want to work, you have to work to earn enough money so that you won’t have to work.
Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.
Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them.
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it; Whenever you’re right, shut up.
When I ponder my mind I consistently find It is glued On food.
Man is a victim of dope in the incurable form of hope.
The door of a bigoted mind opens outwards so that the only result of the pressure of facts upon it is to close it more snugly.
The only incurable troubles of the rich are the troubles that money can’t cure, Which is a kind of trouble that is even more troublesome if you are poor.
Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.
I drink because she nags, she said I nag because he drinks. But if the truth be known to you, He’s a lush and she’s a shrew.
Beneath this slab John Brown is stowed. He watched the ads, And not the road.
When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window.
Snow is all right while it is snowing; it is like inebriation because it is very pleasing when it is coming, but very unpleasing when it is going.
I have an idea that the phrase weaker sex was coined by some woman to disarm some man she was preparing to overwhelm.
The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.