There’s a difference between a job and a career – if you’re the boss you don’t stop at six o’clock, you have to worry about everything all the time.
Try something. And never be afraid to fail. That failure is useful too. It’s just another building block.
You do your own thing and you see if you survive.
That’s the amazing thing about life. You can just rub it out, like a blackboard, and start again.
Do this or you’ll burn in hell.
She said, ‘I’m your biggest fan,’ and I said, ‘Who are you?’ She said, ‘Paris Hilton.’
My ideal meal would probably be the cheesiest pasta or pizza, followed by something creamy and chocolaty. I mean, just the worst things, really.
I fought a bear once. But it started crying, so I let it off.
I no longer needed a reason for my existence, just a reason to live. And imagination, free will, love, humor, fun, music, sports, beer, and pizza are all good enough reasons for living. But living an honest life – for that you need the truth.
For any of you who don’t know, the Golden Globes are just like the Oscars, but without all that esteem. The Golden Globes are to the Oscars what Kim Kardashian is to Kate Middleton. A bit louder, a bit trashier, a bit drunker, and more easily bought.
Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but if you believe in god, you’re wrong.
Blasphemy: a law to protect an all-powerful, supernatural deity from getting its feelings hurt.
I love how people walk around with crucifixes, skullcaps, pointy hats, funny beards and then say ‘you should keep your atheism to yourself.’
I’m not a person that’s easily embarrassed, but I’m embarrassed for other people.
I’m basically a ‘do unto others’ type person. I don’t have any religious feelings because I’m an atheist, but I live my life like there’s a God. And if there was he’d probably love me.
If David Brent is the best thing that I ever come up with, then so be it. What are you supposed to do, time the best thing you do for just before you die?
I can’t stand it. I can’t stand someone being embarrassed. I don’t know why. If someone slips over and the first thing they do is look around, I pretend I haven’t seen it.
Fact is stranger than fiction. You see people walking down the street that would never be allowed on television. You have to tone it down.
Wearing cosmetics that were tested on animals makes you ugly on the inside.
If you can’t joke about the most horrendous things in the world, what’s the point of jokes? What’s the point in having humor? Humor is to get us over terrible things.