I’m looking for Miss Right, or at least Miss Right Now.
Jamie Kilstein is amazing and I will be spreading the word. He has the spark that energized my conscience. We need more comedians kicking it hard the way he does every night.
Comedy pays the bills if I can’t find a film.
Shakespeare said, “Kill all the lawyers.” There were no agents then.
My father retired to San Francisco, and I got a chance to know him and be around him. It’s always been someplace where everything changed for the better. It’s always been a home for me.
There’s no question this is where I want to live. Never has been.
The truth is, if anything, I’m probably addicted to laughter.
Friends come in all sizes, take it from me! Golly gee, size doesn’t matter, when you want some friendly patter from a pal who is true.
If we were interested in making money, we wouldn’t have become teachers.
A woman wouldn’t make a bomb that kills you. A woman would make a bomb that makes you feel bad for a while. That’s why there should be a woman President. There’d never be any wars, just every twenty-eight days there’d be very intense negotiations.
Self-reliance is the key to a vigorous life. A man must look inward to find his own answers.
Sometimes it’s more noble to tell a small lie than to deliver a painful truth.
Be prepared for luck.
Keith Richards is the only man who can make the Osbournes look Amish.
Kid, if You Need Booze or Drugs to Enjoy Your Life to the Fullest, You’re Doing It Wrong.
You have to break in half to love somebody.
You’ll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
People say satire is dead. It’s not dead; it’s alive and living in the White House.
All the new people you meet, it’s pretty amazing. The vampire needs new blood. And there is still a lot to learn and there is always great stuff out there. Even mistakes can be wonderful.
I only ever play Vegas one night at a time.