I don’t do well with snakes and I can’t dance.
People say that I’m a tree hugger, but I do a lot more than hug trees. I like having my drinking water without faecal matter, that’s really nice. Or acceptable levels of strychnine. I’m an air breather, I’ve gotten used to that over the years.
My first day as a woman and I am already having hot flushes.
You’re best when you’re not in charge. The ego locks the muse.
I just want to do movies, and I want to sell them. I don’t want to link up with some product.
There was an old, crazy dude who used to live a long time ago. His name was Lord Buckley. And he said, a long time ago, he said, ‘People – they’r e kinda like flowers, and it’s been a privilege walking in your garden.’ My love goes with you.
Comedy can be a cathartic way to deal with personal trauma.
I was once on a German talk show, and this woman said to me, ‘Mr. Williams, why do you think there is not so much comedy in Germany?’ And I said, ‘Did you ever think you killed all the funny people?’
With mountain biking, it’s always that constant thing, negotiating singletrack, which I like, but for a road ride that rhythm is really Buddhist. When you get a good pedal stoke, it’s that thing of everything works.
I was an only child. I did have kind of like a lonely existence.
People would say I never censor. As Billy Crystal says, ‘I don’t have that button.’
Stand-up is the place where you can do things that you could never do in public.
Men may have wars, but women have their period. Men go off and kill each other, but women say nasty things, which is even better.
It’s frightening and exhilarating. It’s like combat. Look at the metaphors: You kill when it works; you die when it doesn’t.
Being in the same room with people and creating something together is a good thing.
You might say he was one taco short of a combination platter.
I want everyone out there in TV land to touch the TV. Touch the back of the TV and get a shock for Jesus.
It never fails – you get in the bath and there’s a rub at the lamp.
Women are incredibly intuitive. If anybody on the planet is going to evolve to the next level, that telekinetic thing, women will.
Anything that is not funny at a certain point will be funny.