Men may have wars, but women have their period. Men go off and kill each other, but women say nasty things, which is even better.
It’s frightening and exhilarating. It’s like combat. Look at the metaphors: You kill when it works; you die when it doesn’t.
Being in the same room with people and creating something together is a good thing.
You might say he was one taco short of a combination platter.
I want everyone out there in TV land to touch the TV. Touch the back of the TV and get a shock for Jesus.
It never fails – you get in the bath and there’s a rub at the lamp.
Women are incredibly intuitive. If anybody on the planet is going to evolve to the next level, that telekinetic thing, women will.
I’m looking for Miss Right, or at least Miss Right Now.
Anything that is not funny at a certain point will be funny.
Jamie Kilstein is amazing and I will be spreading the word. He has the spark that energized my conscience. We need more comedians kicking it hard the way he does every night.
Comedy pays the bills if I can’t find a film.
Shakespeare said, “Kill all the lawyers.” There were no agents then.
My father retired to San Francisco, and I got a chance to know him and be around him. It’s always been someplace where everything changed for the better. It’s always been a home for me.
There’s no question this is where I want to live. Never has been.
The truth is, if anything, I’m probably addicted to laughter.
Friends come in all sizes, take it from me! Golly gee, size doesn’t matter, when you want some friendly patter from a pal who is true.
If we were interested in making money, we wouldn’t have become teachers.
A woman wouldn’t make a bomb that kills you. A woman would make a bomb that makes you feel bad for a while. That’s why there should be a woman President. There’d never be any wars, just every twenty-eight days there’d be very intense negotiations.
Self-reliance is the key to a vigorous life. A man must look inward to find his own answers.
Sometimes it’s more noble to tell a small lie than to deliver a painful truth.