When I was growing up they used to say, “Robin, drugs can kill you.” Now that I’m 58 my doctor’s telling me, “Robin, you need drugs to live.” I realize now that my doctor is also my dealer...
My preference is live performance, because you get the feedback. There’s an energy. It’s live theater. That’s why I think actors like that.
And some people say Jesus wasn’t Jewish. Of COURSE he was Jewish! 30 years old, single, lives with his parents, come on! He works in his father’s business, his mom thought he was God’s gift, he’s Jewish! Give it up!
Is it rude to Twitter during sex? To go “omg, omg, wtf, zzz”? Is that rude?
A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills, no, no. They’d make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while.
Politics is so personal, vicious and immediate, how are you going to get anything done? Even the local politics where I live have gotten so ugly.
No man is an island; but some are peninsulas.
Acting is different from stand-up. It gives you this ability to enter into another character, to create another person.
Dreams don’t deal in time. Time doesn’t count.
The things we fear the most have already happened to us.
Even when I did my Broadway show, I did 15 minutes no one had seen before, because that was the night that Michael Jackson protested about Al Sharpton bailing on him. I said, “Wow, if that man bails on you, this must be really a lost cause.”
Clouds are like boogers hanging on the nostrils of the moon.
Death – to blink for an exceptionally long period of time.
Go pump some neurons. Expand your craniums.
You’re still young. Being a true loser takes years of inaptitude.
What is this demilitarized zone? Whatever it is, I like it! Gets you on your toes better than a strong cup of cappuccino.
My mother’s idea of natural childbirth was giving birth without makeup. She was hyper-positive – the world is a wonderful place, rainbows and unicorns. If you said anything contrary to her, you were basically exiled.
For a while you get mad, then you get over it.
Mickey Mouse to a three-year-old is a six-foot-tall RAT!
It’s hotter than a snake’s ass in a wagon rut.