Never go to Pluto, it’s a Mickey Mouse planet.
I don’t have a college degree, and my father didn’t have a college degree, so when my son, Zachary, graduated from college, I said, “My boy’s got learnin’!”
The French don’t have a baseball team. And if they did, there’d only be a left field, and no one would be safe.
How much more can you give? Other than, literally, open-heart surgery onstage? Not much. But the only cure you have right now is the honesty of going, this is who you are. I know who I am.
We used to be hunter-gatherers, now we’re shopper-borrowers.
I play a lot of computer games. I love computer graphics. I’ve had Pixar in me for a long time.
I learned that by being entertaining you make a connection with another person.
Cable is not bound because people pay for it. It’s literally a choice, that’s the operative word. If you don’t like the language, if cocksucker offends you, then turn it off.
I met Jonah Lomu. I never knew how huge he was. I felt like a peasant in a Godzilla movie. ‘Quickly! Tell the other villagers! We go now!’
You know what music is – a harmonic connection between all living beings.
Texting and driving at the same time is like jerking off and juggling at the same time. Too many balls in the air, if you catch my drift.
Women! Can’t live with ’em, can’t live with ’em!
I couldn’t imagine living the way I used to live. Now people come up to me from the drug days and go, ‘Hi, remember me?’ And I’m going, ‘No, did I have sex with you? Did I take a dump in your tool box?’
I had to stop drinking alcohol because I used to wake up nude in front of my car with my keys in my ass.
I feel like I’m a big human snot.
Terrible wars have been fought where millions have died for one idea – freedom. And it seems that something that means so much to so many people would be worth having.
Gradual school is where you go to school and you gradually find out you don’t want to go to school anymore.
In California, we are a sixty percent Hispanic state, we elected an Austrian governor. Even old Nazis are going That’s weird.
I’ve never had a “hankering” to direct. I can perform, but I can’t write on that level. I tend to go off on tangents. Directing also requires a kind of specificity and I don’t have it.
Whenever a big white man picks up a banjo, my cheeks tighten.