The sort of liveliness which increases with age is not far distant from madness.
If there was a pill that allowed you to drink and not get drunk, an alcoholic would go What happens if you take two?
Taking Viagra after open heart surgery is like a Civil War re-enactment with live ammo. Not good.
Do you get the feeling with Sarah Palin, in high school, she was voted least likely to write a book and most likely to burn one?
What’s true in our minds is true, whether some people know it or not.
Change is not popular; we are creatures of habit as human beings. ‘I want it to be the way it was.’ But if you continue the way it was there will be no ‘is.’
I always wanted to play a big, black man, but that would cost too much make-up.
Canadian money is also called the loony. How can you take an economic crisis seriously?
Never go to Pluto, it’s a Mickey Mouse planet.
I don’t have a college degree, and my father didn’t have a college degree, so when my son, Zachary, graduated from college, I said, “My boy’s got learnin’!”
The French don’t have a baseball team. And if they did, there’d only be a left field, and no one would be safe.
How much more can you give? Other than, literally, open-heart surgery onstage? Not much. But the only cure you have right now is the honesty of going, this is who you are. I know who I am.
We used to be hunter-gatherers, now we’re shopper-borrowers.
I play a lot of computer games. I love computer graphics. I’ve had Pixar in me for a long time.
I learned that by being entertaining you make a connection with another person.
Cable is not bound because people pay for it. It’s literally a choice, that’s the operative word. If you don’t like the language, if cocksucker offends you, then turn it off.
I met Jonah Lomu. I never knew how huge he was. I felt like a peasant in a Godzilla movie. ‘Quickly! Tell the other villagers! We go now!’
You know what music is – a harmonic connection between all living beings.
Texting and driving at the same time is like jerking off and juggling at the same time. Too many balls in the air, if you catch my drift.
Women! Can’t live with ’em, can’t live with ’em!