Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems.
The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.
If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it’s done.
I respectfully decline the invitation to join your hallucination.
You can change only what people know, not what they do.
There’s kind of a toll you have to pay with a cat; if you don’t pet her for 10 minutes she’ll bother you for six hours.
Most success springs from an obstacle or failure. I became a cartoonist largely because I failed in my goal of becoming a successful executive.
Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart.
There’s nothing more dangerous than a resourceful idiot.
The best part about being my age is in knowing how my life worked out.
Aim low, reach your goals, and avoid disappointment.
Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results.
Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure.
I’m surrendering myself to the realities of the Internet.
I get mail; therefore I am.
The only risk of failure is promotion.
In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn’t have to ride around with jerks.
The first time you see something that you have never seen before, you almost always know right away if you should eat it or run away from it.
Reality is always controlled by the people who are the most insane.
Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge.