I’m slowly becoming a convert to the principle that you can’t motivate people to do things, you can only demotivate them. The primary job of the manager is not to empower but to remove obstacles.
We know the goats are imported because they don’t speak English.
I think you should live your life so that the maximum number of people will attend your funeral.
The human population is 90% gullible, violence-prone dipshits.
A matador is a guy who didn’t have enough people skills to be promoted to serial killer.
Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they are not there the first time you need them, chances are you won’t be needing them again.
Your business clothes are naturally attracted to staining liquids. This attraction is strongest just before an important meeting.
If a job’s worth doing, it’s too hard.
I used to be stupid but I’ve turned that situation around 360 degrees.
Blogging is like work, but without coworkers thwarting you at every turn.
Decisions are made by people who have time, not people who have talent.
Stress is your body’s way of saying you haven’t worked enough unpaid overtime.
Lately, the only thing keeping me from being a serial killer is my distaste for manual labor.
Beware the advice of successful people; they do not seek company.
Continuing to believe the same thing, even in the face of new evidence to the contrary, is the definition of insanity – except in politics where it’s called leadership.
Why aren’t you signed up for the 401K? I’d never be able to run that far.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
If you think it’s easy to write jokes about fried calamari, you’ve probably never tried.
To err is human. To cover it up is weasel.
There’s a fine line between marketing and grand theft.