By definition, risk-takers often fail. So do morons. In practice it’s difficult to sort them out.
No matter how smart you are, you spend much of your day being an idiot.
Reporters are faced with the daily choice of painstakingly researching stories or writing whatever people tell them. Both approaches pay the same.
It’s hard to argue with the government. Remember, they are they run the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, so they must know a thing or two about satisfying women.
In Japan, employees occasionally work themselves to death. It’s called Karoshi. I don’t want that to happen to anybody in my department. The trick is to take a break as soon as you see a bright light and hear dead relatives beckon.
If you don’t believe your salmon is wild, ask it to fetch your newspaper and see what happens.
You might think the word “homemade” is just a word we use as a marketing ploy. But what you don’t realize is that the staff sleeps here at night. If your tablecloth is wrinkled, that’s why.
When virtual reality gets cheaper than dating, society is doomed.
A person with a flexible schedule and average resources will be happier than a rich person who has everything except a flexible schedule. Step one in your search for happiness is to continually work toward having control of your schedule.
Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
There’s nothing more humbling than seeing your best quotes in a list, and thinking they could have been written by a coma patient with a keyboard and spasms.
Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.
In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car.
The best you can hope for in this life is that your delusions are benign and your compulsions have utility.
Failure is where success likes to hide in plain sight.
If our mushrooms make you hallucinate, please inform us immediately so we can overcharge you.
Dilbert: I’m obsessed with inventing a perpetual motion machine. Most scientists think it’s impossible, but I have something they don’t. Dogbert: A lot of spare time? Dilbert: Exactly.
E-books are impervious to analogy.
Dinosaur: I plan to use punctuated equilibrium to turn this zit into a third eye. Catbert: That’s not a natural advantage. You’d better stay away from the fitter dinosaurs.
Dogbert: Scientists have discovered the gene that makes some people love golf. Dilbert: How can they tell it’s the golf gene? Dogbert: It’s plaid and it lies.