You probably think Stephen Hawking is in that wheelchair because of a motor neuron disease. But if you got as much barely-legal student poontang as The Hawkster, you’d be in a wheelchair too.
I never knew what an engineer did for a living when I was a kid. I still don’t.
I was busier than a beaver in a coffee lake.
Every credible scientist on earth says your products harm the environment. I recommend paying weasels to write articles casting doubt on the data. Then eat the wrong kind of foods and hope you die before the earth does.
Boss: I just heard that light travels faster than sound. I’m wondering if I should shout when I speak, just so my lips appear to sync-up with my words.
If you haven’t already told your kids ‘don’t fellate the president’ then you’re probably a bad parent.
He was tenser than Jesse Jackson on Father’s Day.
Never base your budget requests on realistic assumptions, as this could lead to a decrease in your funding.
And bring me a hard copy of the Internet so I can do some serious surfing.
I keep hearing the argument that some things are constitutional while other things are not. The idea is that we should be in favor of all the things that were decided over 200 years ago by a bunch of slave-owning cross-dressers who pooped in holes.
Remember, freedom is always taken, never given.
Great minds don’t think alike. If they did, the Patent Office would only have about fifty inventions.
As network administrator I can take down the network with one keystroke. It’s just like being a doctor but without getting gooky stuff on my paws.
Every year, it takes more brains to navigate this complicated world. More people are falling below what I call the ‘incompetence line’ through no fault of their own.
Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt.
If your boss gets drunk and offers to photocopy her posterior, do not helpfully suggest pressing reduce 75%.
One of the reasons why you like to do your own drawings is, your style changes over time. And there’s something about that that keeps it fresh to the viewer.
I should have written that down. – Dilbert.
I burned out my drawing hand by using it too much. The common word for it is writer’s cramp. The fancy words for it are focal dystonia. The symptom in my case was a pinky finger that went spastic when I tried to draw.
Obviously there’s not much options when you’re a cartoonist – you pretty much either work at home or rent an office I guess, and working at home just seems easier.