If you are a hermaphrodite, it is physically impossible to be gay.
Throughout human history, countries rise and fall. But not America-we continue to rise and rise, like dough, until Jesus bakes us in the fiery Afterscape of the Rapture.
I believe Sarah Palin is a true statesman, whose experience as a failed vice presidential candidate, half-term governor and eight-episode reality star has fully prepared her to take control of our nuclear arsenal.
Everybody loves dogs. They’re the pizza of the animal kingdom.
New study reveals men like to cuddle. Another study reveals men will say anything to get into bed with a woman.
If someone does offer you a job, say ‘yes.’ You can always quit later. Then at least you’ll be one of the unemployed as opposed to one of the never-employed. Nothing looks worse on a resume than nothing.
There’s a buzz to failing and not dying.
I gut check my show. I say, I say, “Gut, gut, does that feel true to you?” And Gut says, “Yes it does, Stephen. Let’s get a grilled cheese sandwich.”
If you repeat it, it’s true. If you repeat it, it’s true. And through repetition, something becomes true. If you repeat it enough. Until it becomes true. Or do I need to repeat that for you?
Contraception leads to more babies being born out of wedlock, like fire extinguishers lead to more fires.
Bill Moyers is everything I never aspire to be: Calm, Thoughtful, and Informative.
Join me in standing up against any actual knowledge about guns. Let the CDC know they can take away our ignorance when the pry it from our cold dead minds.
Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. It’s sort of a blog for people with attention spans.
The more you know, the sadder you get.
Keep your facts, I’m going with the truth.
If Germans are happy it means everyone else is miserable.
The only thing that gets me high is the musky scent of my enemy’s fear.
I gotta tell you, I do not envy whoever they try to put in David Letterman’s chair. Folks those are some huge shoes to fill, and some really big pants.
Yes, Dr. King is pro-gun just as surely as Jesus would be pro-nails.
Mitt Romney’s email was hacked! So if you start getting messages that sound like they’re from a bot, he’s fixed the problem.