An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.
Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what’s going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.
Apply Truth liberally to the inflamed area.
What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!
Don’t be bitter. Everybody suffers. If you can accept your suffering then you will understand other people better. Be grateful for pain. Love life.
In America, we know to ignore artists if they’re serious in any way.
I have always been a fan of reality by majority vote.
There’s a wonderfully cooperative relationship between management and labor right now. Much like the historic partnership between oranges and a juicer.
You can change the world. Please don’t do that, OK? Some of us like the way things are going now.
I’ll make fun of anybody. We’re all about falling down and going boom on camera.
Speak from the balls, not from the diaphram.
If a poor family falls on hard times in the woods, and no one is around to care, did it really happen?
It’s the way our founding fathers would have wanted it, if they had founded corporations instead of just a country.
You see, we’re America the Beautiful, not “America Well At Least She Has A Great Personality”.
The skinnification of America’s jeanscape has gone too far.
Attack life, it’s going to kill you anyway.
I hold a little fundraiser every day. Its called going to work.
I don’t like the new president who hunts muslim extremists, I like the old president who is a muslim extremist.
Making a better tomorrow, tomorrow.
Protect yourself from Muslim vampires by making your neck non-halal.