If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs. If you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs.
Don’t be too precious or attached to anything you write. Let things be malleable.
I think someone should design exercise machines that reward people with sex at the end of their workouts, because people will perform superhuman feats for even the faint hope of that.
If you want to be a screenwriter, take an acting class to get a sense of what you’re asking actors to do. Learning other skills will help you communicate with people and respect what they do.
Sometimes when you’re doing a comedy, the director will yell out “alts” and then the director gets the first laugh.
North Korea referred to The Interview as absolutely intolerable and a wanton act of terror. Even more amazing? Not the worst review the movie got.
Gay people don’t actually try to convert people. That’s Jehovah’s Witnesses you’re thinking of.
I got a fan letter on the back of a prison menu. And I remember thinking, ‘Well, they get pie. It’s not so bad. They get pie on the weekends.’ I want to say blueberry and also a Boston cream pie. Not so bad.
Everybody kind of gets to be the person they didn’t get to be.
The ladies of comedy now are comfortable dressing up. It’s not forbidden anymore.
My work is my work. I take my work seriously but I don’t take myself too seriously.
Not only is my wardrobe totally average, my body’s totally average. I love all the candy-fantasy fulfillment of Sex and the City.
There are so many quiet times you spend as a mother that aren’t glorified but are a foundation for your kids. No matter what, there was always a thick safety net under this trapeze.
The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes. Everyone else is struggling.
That turned-up collar. The jacket that zipped all the way down the front into a nice fitted shape. The white denim that made my untanned skin look like a color.
I had a gentleman in college tell me, during a date, that I could be really pretty if I lost some weight. On a date!
In order to feel safer on his private jet, actor John Travolta has purchased a bomb-sniffing dog. Unfortunately for the actor, the dog came six movies too late.
I don’t want to be somebody else.
This made no sense to me, probably because I speak English and have never had a head injury.
Seriously, I’ve just realized that almost everyone is a fraud, so I try not to feel too bad about it.