I’ve inherited the worst of each parent. I have my father’s hypochondria and lack of concentration. I have his amorality. I have everything bad that he had. Then I have my mother’s surly, pill-like, complaining, whining attitude.
I, interestingly, had dated a woman in the Eisenhower Administration briefly, and it was ironic to me ’cause I was trying to do toher what Eisenhower has been doing to the country for the last eight years.
What was the scandal? I fell in love with this girl, married her. We have been married for almost 15 years now.
If you aren’t failing, you aren’t trying.
I’m short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.
My grammy never gave gifts, you know. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks.
It’s just gossip, you know. Gossip is the new pornography.
The comedies are not a million laughs on the set. Its business and the dramas are business as well, really. When I’m writing it I struggle more with drama because I started out in comedy.
My relationship with American audiences is the exact same as it always has been. They never came to see my films, and they don’t come now.
Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you’re getting this down.
I don’t believe in competition for artistic things. I just like the atmosphere of the Cannes festival. I don’t want to win anything or lose anything.
It’s hard for me to know. I’ll think, ‘I really brought off my ideas, it’s great,’ and no one sparks to it.
In the event of war, I’m a hostage.
I always feel the cynicism is reality with maybe an alternate spelling or something because I feel that I have real perspective on this particular issue of punishment in society.
It is impossible to experience one’s death objectively and still carry a tune.
If my films don’t show a profit, I know I’m doing something right.
A stockbroker is someone who invests other people’s money until it is all gone.
Side Effects Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on the weekend. Woody Allen Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
My wife is immature. Whenever I take a bath, she sinks my boats.
A general philosophy of the female characters in my films is they all want something to believe in, and not having anything.