Rather than live on in the hearts and minds of my fellow man, I would rather live on in my apartment.
The two biggest myths about me are that I’m an intellectual, because I wear these glasses, and that I’m an artist because my films lose money. Those two myths have been prevalent for many years.
Some people think about sex all the time; some people think of sex some of the time; and some people never think about sex: they become lawyers.
Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
For some reason I’m more appreciated in France than I am back home. The subtitles must be incredibly good.
There are three things Jewish people worship-God, Chinese food and wall-to-wall carpeting.
The audience goes to sleep really quickly! If you have a slight pause at the wrong time, that’s it!
I don’t want to live forever through my work. I want to live forever by not dying.
I think there is too much wrong with the world to ever get too relaxed and happy. The more natural state, and the better one, I think, is one of some anxiety and tension over man’s plight in this mysterious universe.
Man was made in God’s image. Do you really think God has red hair and glasses?
My films are a form of psychoanalysis, except that it is I who am paid, which changes everything.
Is there a separation between body and mind, and if so which is it better to have?
I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants.
Honey, you’re the one who stopped sleeping with me, OK? It’ll be a year come April 20th. I remember the date exactly, because it was Hitler’s birthday.
When a man is driving in a car and looks out the window and notices a woman with a great body, as he strains to check her face out, how does she know to keep turning so the back of her head is always toward him?
To you I’m an atheist; to God, I’m the Loyal Opposition.
I feel humor is important for those two reasons: that it is a little bit of refreshment like music, and that women have told me over the years that it is very, very important to them.
And in all of Babylonia there was wailing and gnashing of teeth, ’til the prophets bade the multitudes get a grip on themselves and shape up.
Do I believe in God? I did until Mother’s accident. She fell on some meat loaf and it penetrated her spleen.
The food in this place is really terrible. Yes, and such small portions. That’s essentially how I feel about life.