Social networking helps reach people easier and quicker.
When you become senile, you won’t know it.
Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you’re telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.
Did you ever see the customers in health – food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half – dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They’re dying, of course, but they look terrific.
Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.
There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.
Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die.
There are some people who have trouble recognizing a mess.
Romance is a different word than sexual contact.
Why do kids always say peace out, I though peace was in.
You can’t compete with Walmart. But you can have smaller businesses that are successful.
Laughter brings out the child in all of us.
Anyone can dabble, but once you’ve made that commitment, your blood has that particular thing in it, and it’s very hard for people to stop you.
If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.
I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The very first law in advertising is to avoid the concrete promise and cultivate the delightfully vague.
A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he’s in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station.
When you carry a gun, you mean to harm somebody, kill somebody.
The essence of childhood, of course, is play.
Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them.