The plain fact is: religion must die for mankind to live.
The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology. Until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.
I’m for the death penalty, I’m pro-abortion, I’m pro-assisted suicide, I’m pro-regular suicide. Anything that’ll get the traffic moving.
People are very narcissistic. It’s not all their fault. We live in a society where there is a magazine for you, a channel for you, a perfume for you.
Denying racism is the new racism.
Sam Harris made that great analogy. He said, ‘If someone was talking into their hair dryer and claiming that they were speaking to God, they would call Bellevue. But, take away the hair dryer, it’s just praying.’
The answer isn’t another pill. The answer is spinach.
Let’s make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake – you know, to send the right message to kids.
I wouldn’t touch a hot dog unless you put a condom on it! You realize that the job of a hot dog is to use parts of the animal that the Chinese can’t figure out how to make into a belt? -timecode 1:11:10.
Recognition is one of the three big elements of comedy.
Religion, it stops people from thinking because they think all the answers are in that one book; it impedes progress; it justifies crazy people. Flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative.
I never, ever in my life tried to be outrageous. I’ve only ever tried to say what was truly on my mind and not pull punches about it.
Faith means the purposeful suspension of critical thinking. It’s nothing to be admired.
There’s a phrase we live by in America: “In God We Trust”. It’s right there where Jesus would want it: on our money.
Stand-up is great because I can get everything off my chest.
Rand Paul and Chris Christie both said vaccinations should be a choice, not a government mandate. Because when have Republicans ever told people what they could do with their own bodies?
Don’t you think that being a person of faith has become a third rail in American politics? If you want to run for president nowadays, you’d better get out there and say you’re a very faith-based person.
Curious people are intersting people, I wonder why that is.
What I believe in is love your neighbor as yourself and don’t call him stupid because they don’t agree with you politically.
To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.