Whenever the people are for gay marriage or medical marijuana or assisted suicide, suddenly the ‘will of the people’ goes out the window.
Emergency rooms will be used the way they were intended to be used: not for primary care, but for when the average freaky American get some strange object up his ass.
What we don’t know is about Jeb Bush and cocaine. But we do know that he did once had his brother Florida on a silver platter.
The Democrats are very bad at selling their own product. The Republicans are geniuses at it. And I’ve said it before, a bad product well apologized for is superior in this country to a good product.
It was quite a sight to see Obama next to President Hu. Obama has a Nobel Peace Prize in his basement, and Hu has a Nobel Peace Prize winner in his.
If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.
One of the advantages of atheism is takes so little of your time.
My thinking is, government is really there to do the things that people absolutely can’t do for themselves. And that’s mostly involved with the things that might kill you. And what might kill me? The environment and terrorism.
Ask your doctor if getting off your ass is right for you.
The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid. Girls got pinned, not nailed.
To all conservative women out there: If you are so sure the embryo needed for stem cell research are precious human life that can’t be destroyed, then implant one in your uterus and bring it to term. That’s right, put your cervix where your mouth is.
What Democratic congressmen do to their women staffers, Republican congressmen do to the country.
Russia has banned all adoptions to Americans. So, if you were hoping to get a little white kid with fetal alcohol syndrome, you’re going to have to wait until Lindsay Lohan reproduces.
This is my question for conservatives: don’t you want to live, too?
I don’t respect religon. I don’t respect superstitious thinking and that is what religous is.
If you believe Jesus ever had a good word for war or torture or tax cuts for the rich, or raping the earth, or refusing water to dying migrants, then you might as well believe bunnies lay painted eggs.
The worst years of my life were the first two years I was doing standup. You’re learning how to do, and you’re going on stage in front of two drunks and people aren’t laughing and you’re broke. That’s a really hard time in your life.
Not a lot of people know about Tunisia. Sarah Palin thinks it’s the name of one of Obama’s kids.
If you want to get rich with a tax free enterprise that sells nothing, start a church.
The politicians are no prizes, but the people are even worse, they’re so ill-informed. I never understand the pushback when I say people are stupid.