Let’s face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?
The only thing I hate worse than prophecy is self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.
I didn’t really think a lot about religion, but I didn’t really think a lot against it, either. I was one of those people who didn’t go to church, but when I got in trouble I kinda pleaded with God – whoever that was.
This is a ridiculous heat wave we’re in right now, and to contribute, Newt Gingrich said that for the entire month of June, he will stop blowing hot air.
They’re talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that’s used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can’t even smoke in bed.
False hope really makes you cynical.
President Obama invited John McCain to the White House to give his opinion on Egypt, specifically what it’s like to be a mummy.
Some people think I enjoy debate. I don’t. I wish everyone agreed with me; it would save a lot of time.
It’s very hard not to be condescending when you’re explaining something to an idiot.
When you get people who are out of office, suddenly their tongues loosen up and suddenly they say the things that you wish they’d said or did when they were in office.
In an average moral universal society, good people will try to do the right thing, and psychotic people will do wicked things. But if you want to make good people do wicked things, you need them to be religious.
What mostly prevents black people from voting is that drug laws send them to prison, and then they can’t vote.
Many people can’t deal with unanswered questions, which religion exploits by providing answers, even if they are just made up by someone. This is also why we love TV shows and movies that neatly wrap up everything in exactly an hour or two.
The difference, I think, that matters is which of the religions are dangerous. They’re all crazy, but which ones have the potential to turn that into death. In that area, I think we have to worry the most about the Muslims and the Christians.
In fact, because people are religious, they think they can do bad things.
I don’t think all life is precious. I know people say that all the time, “Life is precious.” I think some life is precious, and some life is just a waste of protoplasm. Start over.
Life is about making tough choices. Sometimes you have to go where your career is going.
When the tabloids photograph me when I’m out, I always say: “You know what, folks? I’m not married and I’m not gay. You caught me with a hot chick. You got me. Take me to hot-chick jail. Did it again. Guilty.”
Anything is depressing if you dwell on it. The fact that religion could end the world? Yeah, I guess that could be considered depressing. But considering that there’s also a lot to laugh at, I think it’s a good balance.