I talked to Beyonce and she wants to learn how to speak Arabic and she wants to jump out of an airplane. I don’t want to do that. I just don’t want to wash my hair every day.
I used to beat myself up about weight and working out, and no matter what I did I never felt good about myself. I decided to accept myself and know that I am good.
I think anybody who wants to be president has to be a politician, but I would like to find somebody who’s coming from a loving place instead of a political place.
If someone ever says you’re weird, say thank you.
I watch people’s behavior and notice things. I think that’s why I became a comedian. I notice how stupid the things we do are.
If anybody could put themselves in that situation of feeling a giant loud voice saying you don’t deserve the same rights, you are different and you are not equal, it feels really bad.
I had done a sitcom and a movie and hosted the Emmys, and all of a sudden, I lost everything. As someone put it at the time, I was suddenly like a Ferrari in neutral.
The sixties were when hallucinogenic drugs were really, really big. And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that we had the type of shows we had then, like The Flying Nun.
Have you seen the deer heads on the walls of bars, the ones wearing party hats, sunglasses and streamers? I feel sorry for them because obviously they were at a party having a good time...
No, we can’t be friends. You’re my mom. You’re what i talk to my friends about.
I get paid very well for an amazing, amazing life. I’m blessed.
If success is really dependent on someone liking you or not liking you, and you have to teeter on that kind of tightrope of how you’re supposed to act and how you’re supposed to look and who you are, it’s just not a healthy way to live.
For a long time I thought I knew for sure who I was. I grew up in New Orleans and became a comedian. And there was everything that came along with that. The nightclubs. The smoking. The drinking. Then I turned 13.
Above all, I strive to be the best I can – to be better than I was yesterday and better tomorrow.
What goes up must come down, which is why I don’t wear tube tops.
I put a basketball in front of George Clooney’s door and sprayed it with supermodel perfume to lure him out.
I like sitting at outdoor restaurants; it would be nice to go someplace on the street and not worry about somebody taking my picture while I’m about to take a bite of something.
Human beings only use ten percent of their brains. Ten percent! Can you imagine how much we could accomplish if we used the other sixty percent?
I like to try new things because I get bored so easily.
What would bug the Taliban more than seeing a gay woman in a suit surrounded by Jews?