It’s frightening to wake up one morning and discover that while you were asleep you went out of style.
Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.
I don’t know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet-tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 directions for replacing the tissue on it. Then everyone in the house would know what Mama knows.
Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It’s unbridled, its unplanned, it’s full of suprises.
When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.
Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
Friends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.
What we’re really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?
Families aren’t easy to join. They’re like an exclusive country club where membership makes impossible demands and the dues for an outsider are exorbitant.
A child needs your love most when he deserves it least.
Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.
A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.
On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.
Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they’re not trying to keep up with you.
I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.
No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.
I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.