I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
Pregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.
When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.
With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield.
Never underestimate what it takes to watch someone you love in pain.
I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.
Some of the best fiction writers got their start writing airline menus.
The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our country. We revere anything older than George Burns.
Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize whether it be in church, a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours when the lights are out. They have not yet learned that joy and laughter have to last a lifetime and must be conserved.
Most children’s first words are ‘Mama’ or ‘Daddy.’ Mine were, ‘Do I have to use my own money?’
People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
The mole rat is the only rodent born without a fur coat. With a good lawyer, someone would pay for that little oversight.
Crocodiles have a smile I’ve seen on the face of every lawyer I’ve ever met.
Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can’t make it stay awake.
There is so much to teach, and the time goes so fast.
Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood.
My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren’t that crazy about either one of us.
Mother’s words of wisdom: Answer me! Don’t talk with food in your mouth!
I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It’s just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
A child develops individuality long before he develops taste.