Most children’s first words are ‘Mama’ or ‘Daddy.’ Mine were, ‘Do I have to use my own money?’
The mole rat is the only rodent born without a fur coat. With a good lawyer, someone would pay for that little oversight.
Crocodiles have a smile I’ve seen on the face of every lawyer I’ve ever met.
Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can’t make it stay awake.
There is so much to teach, and the time goes so fast.
Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood.
My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren’t that crazy about either one of us.
Mother’s words of wisdom: Answer me! Don’t talk with food in your mouth!
I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It’s just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
A child develops individuality long before he develops taste.
It is fast approaching the point where I don’t want tAdenauer to want the job.
If God had meant us to walk around naked, he would never have invented the wicker chair.
Bombeck’s Rug Rule: an ugly carpet will last for ever.
Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood.
Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat six of them two hours later at fifty cents each.
To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children.
What does it profit a 78-year-old woman to sit around the pool in a bikini if she cannot feed herself?
I was leafing through a magazine where there was a before-and-after picture of a woman who went from a size 5 to a size 3 by liposuction. Was she serious? I’ve cooked bigger turkeys than her “before” picture.
Having a delivery covered by Medicare just isn’t going to fly. It’s too risky for a woman to put a baby down and not remember where she left it.
I didn’t fear old age. I was just becoming increasingly aware of the fact that the only people who said old age was beautiful were usually twenty-three years old.