With boys, you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane.
Success is outliving your failures.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
Poached eggs are good, poached animals are not.
I don’t know when pepper mills in a restaurant got to be right behind frankincense and myrrh in prominence. It used to be in a little jar that sat next to the salt on the table and everyone passed it around, sneezed, and it was no big deal.
If compliments were food, I’d have starved to death 28 years ago.
I have a friend who lives by a three-word philosophy: Seize the Moment. Just possibly, she may be the wisest woman on this planet.
Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
Don’t worry about who doesn’t like you, who has more, or who’s doing what.
Let us hope manufacturers can come up with a diaper that is environmentally sound. To go back to cloth would send us back to the day when breathing and raising a baby at the same time were incompatible.
I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.
Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It’s literary suicide.
Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.
Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.
What’s with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?
For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.
Laugh now, cry later.
When you’re an orthodox worrier, some days are worse than others.
I’ve always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby...
You show me a boy who brings a snake home to his mother and I’ll show you an orphan.