In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans.
If I had my life to live over I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
No baby shall at any time be quartered in a house where there are no soft laps, no laughter, or no love.
I firmly believe kids don’t want your understanding. They want your trust, your compassion, your blinding love and your car keys, but you try to understand them and you’re in big trouble.
I became hysterical and frightened and begged for sedation. And that was just the first prenatal visit.
When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty “just adding water.” Now I want to bang the tube against the countertop and have a five-course meal pop out. If it comes with plastic silverware and a plate that self-destructs, all the better.
After age twelve, birthdays should be as private as hernia surgery.
To say, “Well, I write when I really get into it” is a bunch of bull. Put the paper in the typewriter, stare at it a long time, get snowblindness if you have to, but write something.
The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I’ve ever seen that I didn’t have to clean.
You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody’s home.
Do I have to use my own money?
No One Diets on Thanksgiving.
I used everything you gave me.
I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna.
I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.
It is my theory you can’t get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species.
Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
Motherhood isn’t just a series of contractions; it’s a state of mind. From the moment we know life is inside us, we feel a responsibility to protect and defend that human being.