The disadvantage of becoming wise is that you realize how foolish you’ve been.
If you can’t bear to have your face stepped on, don’t try to climb the ladder of success.
Some members of Congress ought to have their mouths taped instead of their speeches.
Eloquence is the art of saying as little as possible but making it sound as much as possible.
All work and no pay makes a housewife.
The man who has a girl in every port is not a sailor but a wholesaler.
Reactionary: One who wants the rules enforced so nobody can take his pile away from him the way he got it from others.
A homosexual is the only man who ever meets a man he would like to marry if he were a woman.
Somebody is always doing something that somebody else said couldn’t be done.
The word impossible is peculiar because if you examine it closely, you’ll find that most of it is possible.
Some people would never get any exercise at all if they didn’t have to walk to their cars.
A creature that never cries over spilt milk: a cat.
The cat: an animal that’s so unpredictable, you can never tell in advance how it will ignore you the next time.
Hard work never hurt anyone who hired someone else to do it.
Nowadays it’s not who wears the pants in the family, but who carries the credit cards.
Some people blow their top, but all people blow their bottom.
There’s nothing as short as short-term debt.
Canada’s climate is nine months winter and three months late in the fall.
A batch of credit cards fattens a wallet before it thins it.
An epigram is the marriage of wit and wisdom; a wisecrack, their divorce.