Las Vegas is a resort whose two chief sources of income are seven and eleven.
Many a man who goes to Las Vegas to get away from it all soon finds that Las Vegas gets it all away from him.
Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry – and the world laughs harder.
The only medicine that needs no prescription, has no unpleasant taste, and costs no money is laughter.
Many people will laugh at the drop of a hat, especially if the man is still in it.
The only time a lazy man ever succeeds is when he tries to do nothing.
A lazy man’s wife is generally the power behind the drone.
The lazy man claims he is too heavy for light work and too light for heavy work.
The best way to make a long story short is to stop listening.
The only thing worse than being on the wrong side of an argument is to be on the right side with no one listening.
You can tell a man’s taste in literature by his judgment in knowing what not to read.
This may be the age of automation, but love is still being made by hand.
A bacteriologist is a man whose conversation always start with the germ of an idea.
Egocentric: A person who has his I’s too close together.
The secret of successful writing lies in striking the right keys on the typewriter.
Bureaucracy is more people doing less things, and taking more time to do them worse.
A bureaucrat is an official who is clothed with power and whom it doesn’t fit.
Hindsight is good, foresight is better; but second sight is best of all.
The three chief causes of divorce are men, women, and marriage.
Some women get divorces on the grounds of incompatibility; others, on just the first two syllables.