Egocentricity: The vanity that makes you wonder what people are thinking about you when they are really wondering what you are thinking about them.
It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway.
A hamburger by any other name costs twice as much.
Most new books are forgotten within a year, especially by those who borrow them.
A girl never cares who casts the first stone at her – as long as it’s a diamond.
Play: Work that you enjoy doing for nothing.
After wisdom comes wit.
Children grow out of childhood, but parents never grow out of parenthood.
The computer saves man a lot of guesswork, but so does the bikini.
Many a woman would get a divorce if she could do it without making her husband happy.
Divorce is the price people play for playing with matches.
Experience is a great teacher, and sometimes a pretty teacher is a great experience.
Good teachers cost a lot; but, poor teachers cost a lot more.
A smart mother suggests that her child bring an apple to his teacher; a smarter mother suggests that he bring a couple of aspirins.
Admiration: Our feeling of delight that another person resembles us.
Think twice before you speak, and then you may be able to say something more insulting than if you spoke right out at once.
We can’t do much about the length of our lives, but we can do plenty about it’s width and depth.
Definition of a Statistician: A man who believes figures don’t lie, but admits than under analysis some of them won’t stand up either.
Definition of Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.
The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother’s keeper, or his keeper’s brother.